


Breathless

by angstydog



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Eddie being in love, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Internalized Homophobia, Language, M/M, Modern AU, Multi, Pining, Richie is kind of a little shit, Slow Burn, especially stan, first ever published work how's it goin, fuck the catholic church, i guess, oh boy here we go - Freeform, teen reddie, they're all so sick of it, you know how it goes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2020-11-08 20:41:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20841692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstydog/pseuds/angstydog
Summary: Sonia Kaspbrak is gone for the weekend, which created the perfect opportunity for one Richie Tozier to stay over. Eddie isn't sure how much longer he can take it.(title changed from heartache)





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> Like I said in the tags, this is my first time writing something that's going to be available for public consumption! SO that's exciting. You're going into this knowing exactly as much as I do. Pray for my boy Eddie.

EDDIE KAPSBRAK WAS IN LOVE, and he felt like it might kill him.

He had never felt like he could breathe quite right, even after finding out that his asthma wasn’t even a real thing, that his mom had been lying, he couldn’t shake the feeling that there had to be a reason why his chest was always so tight.

Of course, the shaggy haired boy with the too-big glasses and the too-loud mouth might have a little something to do with that, but that wasn’t a thought that Eddie really wanted to deal with at the moment. Well, not just this moment, he didn’t really want to deal with it at any moment, but_ especially_ not this one- the object of his wandering thoughts was currently pressed against him from shoulder to knee, snoring lightly in that terribly endearing way that made Eddie’s heart race enough that he was sure it would somehow make his mother worry.

If his mother had been in town this weekend, well, first of all, he and Richie probably wouldn’t have been able to sleep in so late, and definitely wouldn’t have been allowed to sleep half-dressed in the same bed, but he was also sure that she would have heard his frantic heart somehow, his quickening pulse surely enough to make Sonia drag him in to make sure he wasn’t having a heart attack. Which, he thought with another glance to his left, he just might be.

He rubbed his hands over his face with a sigh, freezing when he felt his best friend stir next to him, his hands still over his eyes. The mattress shifted as Richie rolled onto his side to face Eddie, and he gently moved his hands out of the way, catching a glimpse of Richie’s bleary eyes and smiling face, his breath hitching in his throat.

“Hmm, morning Eds,” Richie muttered, rolling over once more onto his stomach so he could throw his arm over Eddie’s bare chest.

“How many fucking times am I gonna have to tell you not to call me that before you don’t fucking call me that?” Eddie snapped back, his actual tone lacking the venom present in his words. Richie just chuckled, moving around until he could see Eddie, his arm still over him.

“I don’t know, Eddie my love, but it’s gonna have to be at least once more.” Eddie scoffed, and pushed Richie off his chest, even though it gave him a weird sort of ache to do so, and clambered over Richie to get off the bed. Richie lightly protested with a huff, but by the time Eddie got to his own bedroom door and took one last look back at the boy on his bed, Richie seems to be asleep again, arms curled around the pillow Eddie’s head had previously occupied.

Eddie pressed his lips together, trying to fight back a smile with no avail, and ignoring the blush heating up his cheeks as he grabbed his phone off the desk by the door and snapped a quick picture. _That’s creepy_, his brain said to him as he made his way into the hallway, and he shook his head as he stepped into the bathroom. _You’re being creepy._

So what? So what if he was creepy? His best friend was goddamn beautiful. Sue him.

He tossed his phone back onto the dresser.

~

Eddie splashed some water onto his face as he spit out his toothpaste, feeling adequately prepared for the day now that he had at least partially cleaned himself up. He didn’t know why he suddenly felt the need to clean up before he spent time with _Richie_; out of anyone Eddie knew, he was the one who cared the least about appearance and being presentable.

But somehow, it just worked for him. His disheveled hair, his slightly crooked glasses that went right along with his slightly crooked smile, his stupid Hawaiian shirts that he wore for way too many days on end... Eddie didn’t know how his stupid, lanky, trash-mouthed friend managed to make it all come together in a way that wasn’t only acceptable, _but attractive_, but he honestly kinda hated him for it. No, he didn’t _hate_ him, of course he didn’t hate him, if anything it was quite the opposite-

His train of thought was cut short by two long, skinny arms wrapping around his torso from behind, and Richie’s slightly pointed chin coming to rest on top of Eddie’s freshly combed hair. He wanted to make a fuss, really, but he didn’t really trust his voice to come out in anything except a squeak, and the last thing he wanted to do was give Richie anything else to make fun of him for, especially with how rapidly he could tell that face was starting to turn an embarrassing shade of red, rivaling his too-short shorts.

“Good morning, Eddie baby.” Richie murmured, making Eddie squeak involuntarily.

“_Definitely_ do not call me that! What is your issue? Don’t you know that I hate it when you-“ Eddie finished his sentence with another high pitched, choked off noise he sort of wanted to smack himself in the face for, but Richie had suddenly flipped him around in his arms, leaving Eddie stuck between the sink and his best friend, their faces closer then Eddie could really comprehend. He sucked in a harsh breath as Richie leaned in closer, Eddie’s eyes moving back and forth frantically between Richie’s. Their lips were almost touching, if he could just…

Richie was fixing his hair. Of course. He was messing with his hair in the mirror, he wasn’t trying to kiss Eddie. He wasn’t even really looking at him. He just had that stupid smirk on his face, he had to know what he was doing to Eddie. Standing there, pressed flush up against him, but not even looking at him, Eddie couldn’t believe he was letting something so stupid get him so worked up.

Eddie shook his head a little too vigorously, pushing Richie away harder than necessary, and stepped out of the bathroom, where he realized he had still been holding his breath. Only then did he process that Richie was saying something along the lines of “You know you love it, babe,” and Eddie couldn’t help but groan, walking away as he did so to make sure that Richie wouldn’t be able to see the barely contained grin on his face. Yeah, he really did love it, but that didn’t mean Richie had to say it.

It was going to be one hell of a weekend.


	2. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 lets go!   
I meant to update this sooner so apologies for that, chapter 3 should be soon because I ended up making what was going to be one big long chapter 2 two separate chapters.  
Anyways, here's this!

Eddie  _ really _ wasn’t going to be able to survive this weekend. 

Richie was trying to kill him, he was sure of it. Could he report him for attempted murder? Do you have to have evidence to make that sort of claim? Because if so, he was certain all he would have to do is describe the scene in front of him.

_ Hello, yes, 911, my incredibly sexy best friend is SHIRTLESS in my KITCHEN making me BREAKFAST. Please send the police. And some paramedics. Please.  _

His train of thought was interrupted by Richie’s voice, and it took Eddie a moment to come back to reality and realize that Richie wasn’t talking to him, he was singing. Badly. And loudly. And Eddie had never wanted to kiss him so much.

The small timer on the counter started going off just as Richie’s shockingly off-key rendition of _I Melt With You_ was coming to an end, and Eddie leaned up against his kitchen island with his elbows, hands holding his face. He hated how soft Richie made him feel. 

Every time he looked at him, or really even just got close to him, he felt this almost suffocating weight in his chest that would have normally resulted in him reaching for his inhaler, but the thing about Richie was that he never seemed to make Eddie feel like he needed to breathe. The constant feeling of almost drowning was Eddie’s new normal, but if being able to breathe meant not having Richie always around, always hovering, Eddie thought he would gladly be smothered to death.

Today was Saturday, and all of the losers were supposed to meet at the quarry for what would probably be the last warm swimming day of the year, but those plans had been foiled by, what Bev had so eloquently described in their group chat this morning, as “ **fuckin homiephobic CLOUDS** ”, earning a reactionary “ **>:O no bikini bev today? SAD** ” quickly followed by a “ **pls read that in a trump voice pls** ” from Richie. Eddie dropped a simple “ **:/** ”, shortly after Stan’s message of “ **gamers can we get an f** ”.

Whether Eddie’s message was to Richie or Beverly, he wasn’t even really sure himself. He knew Beverly was beautiful; he was gay, not  _ blind _ , but that didn’t mean he wanted to think about the possibility of Richie liking her… like  _ that _ . He already had to use all of his time spent with Bill and Ben listening to all kinds of stories and yearnings about Bev, and Eddie didn’t think he could handle it if he had to listen to Richie talk about her all the time too.  _ Riiight,  _ his brain ever-so-helpfully replied,  _ THAT’S why you don’t want Richie to like her. Of course. And that’s the only reason? _

It was a good enough reason for him to continue to play his little game of denial, even enough for him to miss the irony in his next thought:  _ Bill and Ben really need to get their shit together and fess up. If you love someone that much, you should really tell them. _

Eddie continued engaging himself in the text conversation, and since all of the losers had cleared their afternoons in hope of a pseudo beach day, they decided that they would still be getting together, rain be damned. Richie still wanted to go swimming, but Ben’s gently discouraging “ **Guys! There’s supposed to be lightning. No swimming! This is exactly what the clubhouse is for! <3** ” set them on the right course for the day, even though it took a bit more convincing to talk Richie out of the idea of “ **swimming but cooler bc we might die lol** ”. Eddie was secretly thrilled at the prospect of spending an afternoon in the clubhouse Ben had built with his best friends. They could really chat, relax, play some games, Eddie wouldn’t have to worry about how red his face was every time he glanced over at Richie in his bathing suit, covered in that nasty quarry water, hair all wet and plastered down… 

Richie placed a plate of breakfast in front of Eddie, dropping down into the bar chair next to him, slinging his arm over the back of Eddie’s seat. Eddie was positive he would never stop being in awe of the way that Richie moved like no one had ever really taught him how to do so correctly. He was so gangly, and he was always throwing his limbs all over anyone who was close enough to him, which usually meant Eddie was the recipient of an arm around the shoulders or legs across his lap. As much as Eddie made a fuss about it, he really,  _ really,  _ didn’t mind their constant touching. 

He could feel Richie studying his profile inquisitively, and Eddie knew he had been uncharacteristically quiet this morning, but that wasn’t his fault, because Richie had been even more uncharacteristically handsome than usual. Eddie knew that was a stupid thought, as soon as it crossed his mind, but he was standing by it. In his head, of course. Mentally holding his ground. Richie had somehow gotten more attractive which, really, was a feat. 

Before Richie could make some smartass comment that Eddie knew he wouldn’t have a witty response prepared for, Eddie picked up a piece of toast from his plate, ripped it in half, and shoved the half piece of bread into his mouth, watching Richie out of the corner of his eye. Richie smirked to himself, turned in his chair to face Eddie fully, making Eddie turn in his own to meet Richie’s eye. He expected him to say something, or to tease Eddie, but what he didn’t expect was for Richie to maintain eye contact while he attempted to shove an entire piece of bread into his own mouth. Eddie just shook his head in disgust, swallowing his food. “Are you really trying to show me up right now?”

“‘M not tryin. Pretty sure I just did.” Richie laughed back around his own mouthful of food. There was something so infuriatingly endearing about the fact that Richie still looked beautiful with his mouth full of  _ fucking toast.  _ Eddie stood up, probably a little faster than he needed to, and cleared his throat to face Richie once again.

“I’m gonna go get dressed now. You should probably put a shirt on at like, some point in the near future, if you’re coming to the clubhouse. Which you are.” Richie made an indignant sound, and dramatically covered his heart with his hands.

“Eddie! Baby! What the  _ hell _ ! This is NOT a teen movie! You don’t get to just eat the single strawberry and tell me you’re running late for school! I made you breakfast, Eds! BREAKFAST!” His tone had become more and more hysterical while he was speaking, making Eddie let out an involuntary giggle.

“Just put it in the fridge, dude. I’ll eat it later. Getting dressed now!” He turned and made his way up the stairs, with his back to Richie meaning Eddie couldn’t see quite how wide he was grinning.

He could, however, hear it in Richie’s voice as he cried, “The  _ FRIDGE _ ! You wound me.” Eddie giggled, one more time, with one hand over his mouth in an attempt to muffle it. Distantly, Richie continued muttering, “You make a boy a breakfast and he tells you to put a  _ shirt _ on. I don’t deserve this. Dr. Phil didn’t die for this. I am  _ so _ calling the police…”

Eddie, rolling his eyes as he closed his bedroom door behind him, took just a moment to lean against it and smile. It really wasn’t fair for Richie to just… have that effect on him. It was incredibly unfair, actually. 

He needed to talk to Ben. He owed him one, like, big-time, for all the Beverly talk, and out of all of his friends, besides maybe Mike, he knew that Ben would be the kindest, most supportive, and listen to him with only the required minimum amounts of friendly teasing. He could always talk to Bev, she knew Richie better than anyone, better than Eddie even, but Eddie didn’t think he would be able to handle Bev harassing him and Richie any more than she already did. Yeah, Ben was definitely the safer choice.

Now, to figure out how to get himself away from Richie long enough to have a conversation with Ben. 

  
  



	3. III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pray for ben 2k19

Ben was good at keeping secrets, but this was one he really didn’t  _ want  _ to keep. 

He had been trusted with a number of his friend’s problems over the years, because his kind words, gentle voice, and promise of discretion made him the perfect free therapist of the group. Ben had kind of come to expect that his friends would come to him with their problems, and he never really minded being the designated shoulder to cry on.

What Ben was not expecting, however, was for Eddie to demand that he come with Ben to get the drinks out of the back of Stan’s beat up old Saturn, something that had always been a one man job. Ben felt almost as perplexed as Richie looked, but he followed Eddie out to the car nonetheless.

As soon as they were out of earshot of the other losers, Eddie was turning to Ben, speaking at a practically incomprehensible speed without giving Ben even a moment to think. 

“So Ben I didn’t actually come to help you carry the drinks I know you can do that yourself I just needed to talk to someone and the person I usually tell everything to I can’t this time because it’s about him and I know I can trust you but you have to promise to keep this a secret because I really  _ really _ can’t tell anyone especially Richie because it’s  _ about _ him and I just need to get this off my chest and tell you-” Ben cut him off as quickly as he could, but even knowing how quickly Eddie normally spoke, Ben had barely understood a word that came out of his mouth. 

“Woah! Dude! Take a breath! What’s going on? What happened with Richie?”

“_Nothing_ _happened_ and that’s the problem because I think I might want it to.” Eddie finally stopped, both verbally and physically, forcing Ben to turn around to face him. He looked almost shocked at his own words, but he felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off his chest. He was sick of denying his feelings, and as much pain as telling the truth might bring him, he felt like he could almost breathe a little better now. Trying to protect himself from getting hurt hadn’t gotten him anywhere, if anything he was just setting himself up for more heartbreak by trying to push everything down. 

Ben was looking at him curiously, like he was trying to piece everything together with the few words he had been able to hear in Eddie’s frenzy.

After a pause, Ben eventually spoke, voice just as soft and calm as usual, “You… like Richie. As more than just your best friend.”

Eddie swallowed around the lump in his throat, he wasn’t sure when he had started getting emotional like this but the tears were starting to well up in his eyes and he knew that if he opened his mouth to speak he wouldn’t be able to keep them contained any longer. He just nodded, and then Ben was pulling him in for a hug, strong arms wrapping around Eddie and pulling him close into his chest. Eddie usually hated how much taller than him Ben was, but he wasn’t complaining too much now because it meant that he was able to be held in a way that made him feel secure. 

Ben still wasn’t exactly sure what was going through his friend’s head, but he didn’t really care. He was here for Eddie, no matter what. He knew that it took a lot of trust for Eddie to confess this, especially to him, and his heart swelled in his chest as he processed what all this meant. He moved to hold Eddie at an arm’s length, looking at his friend’s misty eyes. “So, Eddie, what are you gonna do about it?”

“Could you just… just keep hugging me for a minute? I don’t want to think about it.” Ben lightly chuckled and obliged, pulling Eddie back in. “We should head back soon, but please, keep talking to me until we do.”

Eddie nodded slowly. He knew that talking about his feelings like this was the exact reason he had come to Ben, because Ben didn’t give up when one of his friends was hurting. And Eddie was hurting. So, he took a deep breath, and spoke again, slower this time.

“Ben, I seriously don’t know what to do. It’s just- every time we’re together,  _ especially _ when we’re alone, he’s constantly flirting with me. I try not to take it too seriously, because that’s just Richie, right? But I can’t help it. We spend so much time together, and he’s always teasing, and I’m always thinking like,  _ what if? _ And I know I shouldn’t, especially not about Richie. If he knew how I felt about him, that I thought about him like this, I don’t think he’d want anything to do with me.”

Ben sighed, rubbing the back of his neck thoughtfully. “Well, I don’t think Richie wouldn’t want anything to do with you. I’m pretty sure it’s against the rules of the universe for you two to be more than 5 feet apart at any time. I don’t know how we’re even having this conversation, honestly.” Ben laughed, but quickly resumed talking after looking down at the desperate expression on Eddie’s tear stained face. “Have you talked to anyone else about this? At all? Because, don’t get me wrong, I’m more than happy to help, I just don’t know Richie as well as some of the other losers. Have you thought about maybe asking Beverly-”

“NO! I mean, I just- she’s like, Richie’s  _ best _ friend. I’m pretty sure they can talk telepathically, it’s freaky. If I tell Bev, I might as well tell Richie himself.”

“Would that be the worst thing in the world, though?”

“YES! Ben, I just, I just needed to get this off my chest. I don’t think I’m ever gonna be able to tell Richie. I can’t mess up our friendship like that. He means everything to me.”

“Damn, dude. You really like him, huh?”

“Yeah. I seriously don’t know what I’m gonna do.”

“Trashmouth would be lucky to have you, Eddie,”

Eddie’s face turned a deep shade of red at that, and Ben went quiet for a moment, seemingly pondering his next move, when suddenly, there was a spark of mischief in his eyes. “Don’t worry. I think I might have an idea on how to get this ball rolling.”

~

Eddie didn’t know what exactly  _ that _ had meant, but he had to say that it did feel nice to have someone to shoulder the burden of his dirty little secret with. They had made their way back into the clubhouse, Ben sitting on the floor next to Beverly and Eddie settling into the hammock with Richie as usual, ignoring the knowing smirk from Ben as he quietly talked to Bev. 

At some point over the last few years, Richie and Eddie had gone from constantly arguing and fighting over the single hammock in the clubhouse, to begrudgingly sharing it, with their feet in the other’s faces, to finally the way they were now, Eddie’s back pressed into Richie’s chest, with Richie’s arms holding Eddie securely around his waist. 

Eddie was doing everything in his power to ignore Ben. He knew he could trust him, but damn it if his eye contact wasn’t telling enough of what he was thinking. Eddie tried desperately to look anywhere else, and that’s when he caught Stan’s eye, from where he was engaged in a quiet yet animated discussion of some sort with Mike across the room. 

Stan, like Richie and Bev, had an air about him that would make him seem hard to approach if you didn’t know better. Thankfully, Eddie knew better, but the way the three of them were often caught skipping class, leaning against the school building or bleachers, cigarettes dangling loosely from their lips and loud rock music blaring from someone’s speaker was enough to scare off the faint of heart- or at least the ones who hadn’t known them since elementary school. Beneath this tough boy exterior, Eddie knew Stan was sweet, nerdy, and hilarious- occasionally funnier than Richie, not that Eddie would ever admit it, for either of their sakes- obsessed with birds and making his friends smile. 

And that’s exactly what he was doing right now, if the beaming grin across Mike’s face was any indication. Stan looked at him inquisitively for a moment, before raising an eyebrow at him, looking back and forth between him and Richie before giving him a not-at-all-subtle thumbs up. 

Eddie decided looking at the ceiling was his best option.

He didn’t know why all of his friends were being so weird all of the sudden. He was certain that none of them could hear his conversation with Ben, but all of them were smirking and whispering as if they knew something he didn’t.

And maybe they did. He didn’t know what Richie had said to everyone while he was outside with Ben, maybe… 

He didn’t let himself get his hopes up any more than that. Just because Ben knew now didn’t mean anything else was different. Maybe they were all looking at them because Richie had fallen asleep this time around, his cheek resting on top of Eddie’s head. Eddie’s heart was racing just a little as he imagined how their position must look to everyone else. Despite still being able to feel all of their stares, Eddie closed his eyes, and pressed himself further back into Richie’s front. These were the moments he loved the most, when he could just enjoy being in Richie’s presence. 

Even though he could hear all the other losers snickering around him. 

Richie shifted himself so his face was in Eddie’s neck, his breath tickling him, and let out a content sigh. Eddie thought he could’ve stayed there forever, especially when Richie tightened his arms around his waist. 

His brief moment of peace, however, was shattered as Bill finally made his way down the ladder, meaning their meeting had officially started. Before anyone else could say anything, Eddie’s heart dropped into his stomach with 5 simple words spoken with a slightly unnerving level of joy by Beverly: “Let’s play truth or dare!”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been really excited about writing this chapter, but I'm even more excited about the next one! Coming soon :)


	4. IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A friendly game of truth or dare ensues.

Eddie was certain his heart had stopped. 

The glint in Beverly’s eye was reflected just slightly in Ben’s, and Eddie was mentally begging the universe to just swallow him up. Richie had begun to stir behind him as the rest of the losers moved to sit in a rough circle on the ground, leaving a spot big enough for him and Richie to sit next to each other, if they sat close enough.

He was going to kill Ben.

And Beverly.

But mostly Ben.

Eddie went to stand up, but didn’t get very far due to the fact that Richie was still holding him around his waist like his life depended on it. Ignoring Mike’s giggles, he rolled onto his other side to face the boy laying behind him. Gently shaking Richie’s shoulder, Eddie realized when he looked at the smirk on his face that Richie wasn’t even sleeping anymore, if he had ever been doing so at all. 

He rolled his eyes, and smacked Richie on the top of the head with probably a little too much force. Richie winced, and sat up quickly, throwing off the delicate balance of the hammock and tipping both of the boys out of it and onto the floor. 

Richie started to cackle loudly, while Eddie tried to climb out of Richie’s lap as quickly as he could, untangling himself from all of his long limbs with some effort. He brushed the dirt off of his shorts, huffing as he reached down to offer Richie a hand up, which he took and used to pull Eddie back down onto him with a grin on his face.

“Richie! Dude! Stop making out with your boyfriend and let’s get a move on!” Stan groaned, rolling his eyes as he leaned back against a beam holding the ceiling up, and Richie narrowed his eyes as he noticed that as he did so he interlocked his fingers with Mike’s. That was a conversation for later, though, because the boy in his lap was currently trying to pull him up again, and Richie didn’t want to piss him off more than the level he usually did, so this time he complied when Eddie offered him his hand. Richie let Eddie pull him up, and continued holding onto his hands and staring at him for a moment until Bill cleared his throat, breaking the trance. 

They sat down next to each other in the circle, knees touching, as Mike and Ben played rock paper scissors to determine who got to give the first dare. Mike’s scissors beat Ben’s paper, and he sat back with a smirk on his face. 

“I dare you to kiss Beverly.” He said matter of factly, and before Ben could fully finish his protest over the fact that Mike didn’t even ask him “truth or dare”, Beverly was shutting him up with a kiss.

Everyone expected them to just do the standard peck, because this was far from the first time the losers had been dared to kiss each other, but they had expected wrong. Beverly had leaned over so she was almost completely in Ben’s lap, and when they finally split, everyone had been stunned into silence. Except for Richie, of course. He ended the moment with a long, drawn out wolf whistle, making both of them blush and earning him a simple “beep beep” from Bev. 

After a moment more of awkward silence that seemed lost on Beverly and Ben, as they were more involved with staring at each other, Richie spoke up once again, reminding Ben that it was his turn to give someone else a dare. Ben finally snapped back to reality, turning his eyes onto Richie, who raised an eyebrow and said “dare” before Ben could even fully ask the question. 

Eddie felt a rush of adrenaline, and snapped his head up to make eye contact with Ben, who simply winked at him. Shit.   
Eddie tried not to panic too much, but it wasn’t exactly working out. Ben wouldn’t do anything bad, right?  _ Right?  _ Why was he taking so long to come up with a dare? Shit. Fuck. Eddie was gonna die.

Right when he realized he had been holding his breath so long he thought he might pass out, Ben finally dared Richie to call his mother and tell her that he had gotten Bev pregnant, which everyone, especially Bev, found hilarious until Maggie didn’t answer her phone. The round continued fairly uneventfully, except for when Bill asked Stan who he had a crush on and he was far too defensive when saying he didn’t have one, pulling his hand away from Mike’s; until it was Beverly’s turn to ask someone. She turned her attention to Eddie, who chose dare. 

Eddie really wished he had thought that one through.

Beverly seemed like she already had an idea of what to do, but before she could say anything, Ben leaned in to whisper something in her ear. 

_ Fuck. _

She seemed to be confused, and Eddie assumed that he had just given Bev a dare idea, and he also felt like he might know what that idea was. He fixed Ben with his steeliest gaze as he tried to feign innocence, barely suppressing a laugh. Bev still seemed confused, but only for a moment, and as soon as he could see on her face that it had clicked, he knew that he was screwed. 

“Eddie! I dare you to…” She tapped her chin slowly, pretending to think it over, before she smirked at him. “Sit in Richie’s lap for the rest of the game.”

_ FUCK! _

He wanted to just get up and do it without making a big deal out of it, but his legs wouldn’t cooperate. Why couldn’t he move? Why did he have to make such a stupid spectacle about it? 

Everyone was staring at him. He forced himself to stand on shaky legs, promptly plopping himself back down onto Richie. Richie’s face was a shade of red rivaling Eddie’s shorts as he rearranged the two of them so Eddie was sitting properly in his lap, Eddie’s legs dangling out in front of them and his ass against Richie’s-

_ Oh. Well. Yeah, he’s definitely going to die today. _

Beverly gave them a knowing smile, and Eddie tried to move on by asking Mike. The game continued like nothing was happening, but all that Eddie could think about was the way that Richie’s breath on the back of his neck hitched every time he adjusted his seating position. He wasn’t sure how he was going to be able to face Richie when they got up to leave, especially considering the fact that at some point his adjusting had become sort of intentional. 

The game lasted a lot longer than any of them thought it would, and by the time things had started to wrap up, Stan had to go home for dinner, and Bill asked him for a ride home. 

Bev and Ben both decided to stay and hang out for a while longer, as did Mike, and Richie opened his mouth to say that they would stick around too, but before he could get the words out, Eddie cut in to say that him and Richie should be getting home too. Stan looked up from gathering his things, and asked, “But isn’t your mom out of town? Why do you need to leave already?” 

Eddie stammered through trying to come up with a good reason for needing to be alone with Richie right now, while still in his lap, and when he couldn’t think of anything comprehensible, Stan simply groaned. “If you guys do any more dumb shit, and I roll my eyes any harder, they might literally fall out of my head. Bye.” And with that, Stan left.

Eddie stood up quickly, and then promptly frantically the front of his t-shirt down far enough to cover his crotch. His movement was not subtle in the slightest, so it was no surprise when Beverly openly laughed at him. He was sure it was quite the sight, he could feel how hot his face was and he was doing everything in his power to hide the front side of his body. 

He turned his head to look at Richie, which was a bad idea, because as he was standing behind him, seemingly equally as flustered as Eddie was, he was tying his denim jacket around his waist.

_ Well. That’s an interesting development.  _

They were quick to say goodbye to their remaining friends, and were met with only light catcalling as they made their way out of the clubhouse, closing the door behind them just as Ben called out “HAVE FUN!”

~   
  
The walk home was fairly uneventful. At some point, Richie had taken hold of Eddie’s hand, running his thumb absentmindedly over the shorter boy’s knuckles. Eddie knew he was blushing, and couldn’t quite meet Richie’s eye. They had been walking in silence, but the nature of their friendship made it so that Eddie didn’t feel uncomfortable this way. Silence with Richie was different, they could be together physically but both tuned out somewhere else and be perfectly content. They rounded the corner onto Eddie’s street, and Richie began to swing their connected arms higher and higher with each step, making Eddie roll his eyes. 

“Can’t you just enjoy the moment without having to be obnoxious?” Eddie scoffed, trying to untangle his fingers from Richie’s. Richie held on, however, and Eddie turned to look at him.

Richie simply squeezed his hand and answered, “I’m always enjoying the moment when I’m with you, Eds.” Eddie subconsciously bit his lip. 

Normally, he would have just written off his comment as another Richie joke, but there was something in his face that showed Eddie he really meant it. He wasn’t expecting sincerity from Richie, he didn’t know how to take it. Eddie was the first one to break the intense eye contact, his blush deepening, and kept walking, pulling Richie behind him.

They stepped onto Eddie’s small porch still holding hands, and only let go of each other at this point so that Eddie could rifle through his fanny pack for the keys to his house. Richie leaned up against the railing of the porch behind him, and just watched as Eddie unlocked his door.

Eddie opened the door, and turned around to say something to Richie, but whatever it was left his mind as quickly as his breath left his lungs when he saw how close to him Richie was.

He had taken a step closer, meaning Eddie had to crane his head back to look, and was fully expecting Richie to make some sort of wisecrack, but it never came. Richie just kept staring at him, grabbing Eddie’s hand again and Eddie thought he might be going crazy because he could  _ swear _ that Richie was leaning in ever so slightly, and all Eddie would have to do to kiss him is get on his toes and tilt his head, and so he  _ was _ tilting his head-

And then they were jumping apart, because their phones had gone off at the same time. Loudly. Eddie was cursing himself, he never had his ringer on when he was out with his friends, why was it on  _ now _ of all times? His phone was the universe’s biggest cockblock. He pulled out his phone a moment after Richie had, groaning as he saw the conversation that had started unfolding in the group chat. The incredibly rude interruption had come from Bev, and the messages so far read:

**Bev <3: use protection guys! uwu**

**Trashmouth: fuck off bev what is wrong w u**

**Bev <3: that message was actually for stannie! but if the shoe fits babe… ;)**

**Birdman: perhaps go die???**

**Billiam: Lol**

Eddie quietly laughed despite himself, even though Richie hadn’t cracked so much as a smile since he had unlocked his phone.

“I can’t fuckin’ believe this.” Richie sighed, finally breaking the silence, rubbing the back of his neck self-consciously. Eddie was quick to come to Beverly’s defense, even though he himself was still feeling quite embarrassed. Before he could continue and ask Richie about Stan and Mike, however, Richie was speaking again, saying “No, I’m not mad at Bev. I’m just saying, of course that was for Stan. She knows that we know better, baby.” with a wink. 

So the message hadn’t thrown Richie off his groove  _ too  _ much, because he had Eddie back to being a smiling, blushing mess again in no time, Eddie covering his face with his hands as he pushed past Richie to go into the house. 

Eddie made his way to the kitchen to put together something for him and Richie to eat, as Richie began hooking up the Playstation in the living room. Eddie smiled as he moved around the kitchen. He had thoroughly enjoyed his morning and afternoon with his friends, he was just looking forward to spending some more quality time with Richie, was all. Sue him.

He made his way back into the living room with a bowl of popcorn, stopping in the doorway for a moment to enjoy the sight of Richie comfortable on his couch, settled in for an evening of playing games. Eddie could really get used to being with Richie all the time, especially when his mother wasn’t around to ruin everything. He liked waking up next to Richie, and spending all his time with him. Not that he would  _ ever  _ tell Richie that. He already did a great job at embarrassing Eddie without him laying his heart out on the line for Richie too. 

He made his way over to join Richie on the couch, tucking his body under Richie’s arm, his legs across his lap again and Richie’s chin coming back to its resting place on top of Eddie’s head as he wrapped his arms around him, controller still in hand.

Eddie let out a content sigh as he placed the popcorn bowl in his own lap, thinking about what the losers would say if they could see the way they molded themselves to each other like it was second nature. 

Their position may have actually been less compromising than the one they had been in at the clubhouse, in front of all the losers, but Eddie couldn’t help but feel as though this moment was far more intimate. He felt safe, protected from any possible bad thing that could be in the outside world in Richie’s arms. 

Reality may still exist, but he didn’t have to face it alone. 

Richie leaned over Eddie long enough to pass him the second controller without a word, and Eddie knew Richie felt the same way he did. Being with Richie, wherever they were, was what he supposed “home” should feel like. He thought it was awfully ironic that he was only just  _ now _ feeling as though he was home- he had lived in this house his entire life, but at the same time, he supposed that his earlier thoughts on feeling safe brought it all together. 

Eddie was in  _ his _ house, yes, they were sitting on  _ his _ couch, playing  _ his _ video games, in  _ his _ living room; but as soon as he had curled up in Richie’s scrawny arms, Eddie was  _ home. _

_ Damn,  _ Eddie thought, _ I might be a little further in over my head for this boy than I thought.  _ And with that, he cuddled in further for the night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been so excited about this chapter, and it turned out to be my longest one so far! So I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it :~)


	5. V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all please forgive me for taking a fraction of a century to update... i really wanted this chapter to be (chefs kiss) and i hope it's everything you want ;)

Eddie wasn't sure when he had started to fall asleep, but he was pretty sure it was sometime between the third and fourth  _ The Fast and the Furious _ movie. Richie had always loved these stupid action films, but Eddie hadn’t ever really understood it. People driving cars really fast like that just made him anxious. He knew that Richie liked them, though, that’s why he bothered to keep the DVDs around. 

The only reason he even knew he had been asleep was because he had been awoken very suddenly by Richie. Not because he was being loud, actually, for once he was actually putting a great deal of care into making sure he was being quiet. Eddie was being held close to Richie’s chest, and he was attempting to carry him up the stairs. He wasn’t doing a very good job of getting both of them up the staircase, but Eddie hardly noticed that. All he could pay attention to was the strong grip one of Richie’s hands had on his thigh, the other under his shoulders, holding him securely. 

Eddie was mostly focusing on the hand on his thigh, though. Richie’s long fingers just barely grazed under the hem of Eddie’s too-short shorts, and Eddie hoped that Richie hadn’t noticed how red his face had gone. He was still pretending to be asleep, and was trying not to enjoy being carried by the taller boy too much. He definitely wasn’t thinking about what those calloused fingers would feel like wrapped around another body part, because that would be weird. Almost as weird as this not being the first time Eddie had daydreamed about something like this. 

Eddie tried to keep his eyes closed, letting his mind wander to anything except the situation he was currently in. This whole weekend so far has been some sort of cosmic test of his self control, and seeing Richie’s determined, focused face as he carried him up the stairs would probably be his breaking point. The last thing he needed was a reminder of how incredibly hot Richie was. He hadn’t forgotten.

Eddie assumed that they had made it to the top of the stairs since they had stopped climbing, and he risked cracking his eyes open just a bit to peek at his face. Richie was very focused on the task at hand, a tendon in his long neck straining as he pushed Eddie’s bedroom door open. Richie stepped across the threshold, and Eddie closed his eyes once again just as he was being placed onto his own bed. 

At that point, he opened his eyes, pretending to be waking up for the first time. 

Richie was looking down at him with an unreadable look on his face, scanning his body (mostly his legs, but anyway), and was shoving a hand through his long, thick curls when he locked eyes with Eddie. 

Richie immediately scoffed, and dropped himself onto the bed next to Eddie with a crooked grin. “Good morning, princess. I knew you were faking it, you little shit.”

Eddie feigned indignation, but was incapable of keeping his giggles to himself as Richie rolled over to put his head on his chest, his frizzy hair tickling Eddie’s face. “Hey! I was only faking it about halfway up the stairs. And I  _ am _ really tired, so. Night.”

“Woah woah woah! What the hell! You can’t just make a guy carry your sweet ass into bed and not at least give him a kiss goodnight!” Eddie rolled his eyes and giggled, but Richie’s words gave Eddie an unpleasant pang in his stomach. 

He knew this was just how Richie behaved. He had seen him interact with Beverly and Stan before, he knew he wasn’t special. Recently Eddie had noticed he didn’t do it nearly as much to anyone else as he did to him, but  _ still _ . Richie got to just flirt with whoever he saw fit whenever he wanted, and Eddie was left with all these confusing feelings and no way to know what was real or not. Of course, he knew the easiest and most likely scenario was that none of it was real. But as much as he knew that Richie flirted with everyone, he also knew that what they had between them was different. He felt stupid for it, but he would even say what they had was special. 

It was Eddie’s window that Richie would come clambering through when he needed a distraction from the real world. It was Eddie’s phone he blew up with all sorts of heart emojis when he got a little too drunk with Bev. 

And it was Eddie he was adjusting himself to hold right now. 

_ But it just isn’t fair! _

Eddie sat up abruptly, elbowing Richie directly in the face. 

Normally that would’ve been enough to break Eddie from his trance, leaning over to make sure Richie wasn’t bleeding because germs getting in the bloodstream was bad news. But he was in such a rush to get out of bed, he didn’t even see the way Richie was cupping his mouth in his hand until he had clambered his way to his feet at the end of the bed. 

Eddie was hit by a pang of guilt, launching himself back onto the bed onto Richie. Richie was trying to wave him off, telling him that everything was fine, and Eddie immediately felt guilty. Why had he even been mad at Richie in the first place? And then Richie dropped his hands down to Eddie’s waist, winking at him, and Eddie remembered.

He pushed Richie’s hands off of him and got up from the bed again, more carefully this time. Richie looked up at him quizzically, and he took a deep breath to steady himself. No going back now.

“Why d’you do that?” Eddie asked, his voice not coming out quite as strong as he had hoped. Richie laughed quietly at him, resituating himself against the headboard and interlacing his fingers behind his head. Eddie stopped for a moment, appreciating the subtle way his biceps flexed when he sat like that. Pushing the unholy thoughts that seeing Richie in that position gave him to the back of his mind, Eddie scowled, putting his hands on his hips. He knew that he didn’t look anywhere near intimidating, but that didn’t stop him from trying. “Well?” Eddie asked again, somehow even more impatiently. 

Richie was  _ really _ frustrating him. 

In more ways than one. 

His frustration was not helped when Richie simply shrugged, saying “I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about, baby”, a smirk crossing his lips that let Eddie know that he was lying through his teeth.

_ God, Eddie wanted to kiss that stupid smirk right off his face. _

He shook his head, probably a little too hard, trying to get the thought out of his mind. Of course Richie knew what he was talking about. He was the one making everything confusing for Eddie. He was so damn  _ annoying _ sometimes. And so  _ hot _ . 

Eddie rolled his eyes at Richie, and took a step closer to the bed, making Richie angle his head up to maintain their eye contact. 

Eddie was close enough that he could easily sit on the edge of the bed next to Richie if he wanted to, but he was enjoying having the imagined upper hand. 

He pursed his lips, his hands still on his lips, and continued, “You know exactly what I mean. Why are you always acting like that with me? Like…  _ flirty? _ It’s-” Eddie gulped. “It’s so  _ annoying!  _ And you barely even do it to anyone else anymore! You used to be like this with all our friends, but now all you do is hit on me, and I know you’re joking, but it’s getting really old, Rich.”

Richie let out a low noise, somewhere between a sigh and a scoff, and Eddie pursed his lips at him. Richie seemed to be pondering how to say something, but Eddie had run out of patience, and after only a moment of silence he opened his mouth and tried to speak again, but Richie finally cut him off this time.

“Are you seriously trying to tell me that you don’t know that we’re a little more than friends by now?”

Eddie felt like he had just run headfirst into a wall. He had been so prepared for Richie to just blow him off with another joke or crude comment, but there was something so genuine in Richie’s voice that it truly caught him off guard. 

And he was  _ pissed. _

He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself before speaking again, but his voice still came out more aggressive than intended when he spoke again. 

“Richie, seriously. That’s not fucking funny. I know you laugh at me when you make me blush but it’s really not fair because you know that’s really fucking easy. You’re being an asshole right now. Can you please just be straight with me and tell me why you’re acting like this?”

Richie laughed brightly, replying with “Eds! But the last thing I want to do is be straight with you! I think I’d like quite the opposite, actually-”

“Beep fucking beep, Richie. Seriously. Why can’t you just answer me seriously when I’m literally standing here begging?”

“I  _ am  _ answering you, baby. I thought that you already knew that I always mean everything I say.”

Eddie’s head was swimming. Richie never really took anything too seriously, that was half of his appeal, but usually he wasn’t so stubborn. He was always willing to be real with Eddie when it was too hard with the rest of the losers, which is why it was extra frustrating that Richie wouldn’t drop the act long enough to just answer Eddie. “Can you stop being such a fucking clown for literally a  _ second?  _ Richie, I’m trying to be serious. You don’t have a crush on me. Please just… tell me why.”

Richie moved to sit on the edge of the bed. Eddie knew he should step back so they weren’t so close, but he didn’t really want to.

Even though Eddie was standing, Richie’s head still nearly cleared his shoulders. It really wasn’t fair that Richie was so much bigger than him. He knew he wasn’t tall by any means, but Richie was a  _ giant. _

_ 6’3,  _ his brain unhelpfully supplied.  _ That’s like 9 inches taller than you. _

Eddie tried his best not to think too hard about that. 

Richie was speaking again, and Eddie started listening in just enough time to catch the tail end of his sentence, “- wouldn’t I know who I like?”

“What?” Eddie snapped back, a little harsher than intended, though that seemed to be the theme of the night for Eddie. Richie had scooted closer, his knees touching Eddie’s legs, large hands resting on Eddie’s waist. 

Richie chuckled, leaning back just enough to fully look at Eddie’s face, and Eddie wanted nothing more than to remove his own hands from their dangerously close proximity to Richie’s on his hips to run them through the long mop of curls brushing the collar of his shirt. He was wise enough to pay attention when Richie started talking again this time, though.

“I  _ said _ , why do you assume that I don’t have a crush on you? I’ve never said that, and wouldn’t  _ I  _ know who I like?”

Eddie’s chest constricted almost painfully. He  _ knew _ Richie was fucking with him, but he couldn’t stop himself from hoping that there was a sliver of truth in Richie’s playful words. Richie had never outright  _ lied _ to him, so Eddie wasn’t really sure what the fuck was happening.

He locked eyes with Richie and swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. Had Richie been this close to him the whole time?

“Rich... “ Eddie muttered, not sure what else to say. Richie was studying his face with genuine curiosity, and Eddie moved his hands from his own hips up to Richie’s shoulders.

Richie smirked, and Eddie could see a look in Richie’s eyes he wasn’t sure he had ever had directed at him in his life. He could feel Richie’s hands moving slowly from his waist, over his stomach, before moving them so he was holding onto his hips, where Eddie’s own hands had just been. Eddie knew his face was probably a shade envying that of his shorts right now, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care, because Richie’s face was so close now that Eddie could probably count his freckles, if he wanted to. And he wanted to, but he also really didn’t want to stop staring into Richie’s eyes.

Suddenly, Richie pulled Eddie forward onto him, giving Eddie only enough time to realize what was happening and try his best not to knee Richie in the chest, which meant he was sitting with his crotch alarmingly close to Richie’s own, one leg on either side of his lap. He was  _ straddling _ Richie. How the fuck did he get here?

Eddie was now certain that he must be dreaming, which is why he didn’t stop himself when, seemingly with a mind of their own, his hands trailed down across Richie’s chest, finally resting when he had two fingers in each belt loop on either side of his belt buckle. They were close enough now that their noses were lightly brushing together any time either one of them moved.

Richie let out a light chuckle, and practically whispered “Well, this isn’t exactly how I pictured this going, but it’s getting you to shut up, so…”

And before Eddie could get out an indignant response, Richie’s lips were on his own. 

  
  



	6. Update- Deleting this soon!!

Hey guys!  
First things first- if you don't care about my apology/quick life update/moving forward with the fic- Feel free not to read this.   
But I digress!  
The world is weird right now, but before I get into that, an apology is in order.   
So- to my little group of readers who I love more than anything, if there are still any of you left- I AM SORRY!!!  
I severely underestimated how busy being a full time college student on top of working would actually make me.  
This being said, with that pesky pandemic, all my classes are now online and I am officially unemployed! Yayyyy!! Full sarcasm. Having no money sucks. HOWEVER--   
On the bright side, I have AMPLE free time now, and (oversharing time) now that I am on ADHD medication and can prioritize and time manage (WHAT?) I have a crazy amount of motivation. Which means not only is Breathless coming back, it's gonna have a semi-regular upload schedule. Which is unironically exciting. I am going to be taking some time to finish the couple of chapters that I'm working on, and I will put out another note before I start uploading again so y'all can have a rough idea of the upload schedule, which is hopefully gonna be at least twice a week- but I PROMISE that once I am caught up on some writing it will be AT LEAST once a week.   
I'm gonna end this little note here, sorry again that it's so rambly, this is literally just my stream of consciousness right now. But please comment with any and all questions or anything, I love talking to you guys!   
See you soon with some (edited) content (that will make more sense than this)!  
!!  
:!)


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